Wow, what a year... 2012 was one of the most difficult in my life.
But it's also one of the years in which I've grown the most. As a person, and spiritually.
I've grown closer to God as a necessity - in my pain, He is the only one always ready to listen and (most importantly and wonderfully) always able to help! He has pulled me through despite many times when I didn't think I could manage. What an amazing God. I would not have made it through 2012 without Him.
I've been writing about some of my troubles, but haven't really revealed what they are.... that's partly because it's been such a painful journey. But things are looking better and I want to share both my pain and my hope.
The short version of my troubles is that my husband has been abusive. Emotionally abusive and verbally abusive. He has been since our marriage nearly 2 years ago. But I only really realised it or accepted the truth this year when it got so bad I started ringing helplines and looking for help to understand what was going on and find out how to respond to his anger. He gets very angry over things that don't seem to be worthy of such anger... and then isolates me/ doesn't speak to me or acknowledge me for days. I've never been treated like this before by people who are supposed to love me and the emotional effect is devastating.
We live in a remote area - I have no friends nearby to go to for a break when he's being horrible, no shoulder to cry on, no one else to hang out with. And so through every episode, I've had to turn to my Father above and him alone.
I prayed, read everything I could find on relationships and abuse and marriage, fasted, prayed more and cried my heart out.
In August this year he announced he was leaving me. I had thought about leaving too, things were so bad and the thought of spending the rest of my life like that was unbearable, but I still hold on to my commitment to him in marriage and I still cling to hope in the God of miracles, that things will get better.
I finally also broke my silence and told my family and close friends. (I want to write more about this challenge in itself in another post - it was very hard to do!)
In November I started a 40-day fast after hearing a friend's story about how her marriage was saved from the brink of collapse through a 40-day time of fasting. In the last week of my fast, I started noticing changes. My husband started apologising after getting angry and verbally abusive! I was shocked and amazed. I still am. God had worked a miracle!
We still have a long way to go, but I know God is working on us!
I feel so very thankful, awed and blessed.
